http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/diabetes-partner-follies-a-quirky-approach-to-marriage-and-motherhood-with-type-1/
Welcome back to our periodic Partner Follies series here at the "Mine, in which we feature guest posts by spouses and loved ones of PWDs sharing their own POVs on diabetes.
Today, we"re excited to welcome Nicki Nichols, who"s married to a longtime type 1, and one of their two kids is also living with T1D. You can find her on Twitter under @nickinichols21, where she describes herself as a "T1D mom, advocate, children"s author, Stay-At-Home-Mom -- though I"m never home! Coffee lover, fan of chocolate and best friends with that margarita over there."
Nicki says she plans to self-publish her first kid"s book (titled "Anna Claire: Diabetes Extraordinaire") about her daughter"s T1D diagnosis by December and provide copies to the local non-profit Diabetes Foundation of Mississippi, where she does a lot of volunteer work. Meanwhile, we"re happy to feature this burgeoning children"s author here at the "Mine today....
A Guest Post by Nicki Nichols
My name is Nicki and I am a horrible "diabetes wife."
When my husband was 7 years old, the ice cream man would drive through each neighborhood slowly as the children lined up, hands outstretched, holding two shiny quarters, ready to purchase frozen sugary goodness. Little Nathan, my sandy haired, future husband would line up with his friends, all fighting to be first in line, and place his order: One plain ice sno-cone. Then, he would turn and race home, where his mother would drizzle sugar free Kool-Aid over the top.
All thanks to type 1 diabetes, which came into his life in 1980 when he was only 11 months old.
From the first time I heard this story, to this day, 11 years later, it still brings me to hysterical tears... of laughter. I cannot tell you why the image of little Nathan, with his plain ice sno-cone, brings out such an inappropriate reaction. Honestly, I know better!
I"m also a D-mom. I guess this also makes me a horrible diabetes mom. In my own pitiful defense, my family doesn"t have a normal attitude towards anything diabetes-related anyway...
When I met Nathan, we were in our early twenties, and just finishing college. We went to concerts, and bars, and a few kickass crawfish boils. I forced him to dance barefoot in squishy grass, with dirty old blues music blaring from a makeshift stage. I was the wanna-be hippie and he was the "rock star" with a band.
I can"t tell you how often he checked his blood sugar, or when he got shots of insulin. I don"t remember because it really wasn"t an issue. I don"t even remember when he first told me that he had type 1 diabetes.
I do remember getting up with him at night if he was low. I"d wake up at 3am (what is it about 3am? It"s like the diabetes witching hour!), the bed beside me empty, the sounds of cabinet doors banging and chip bags crinkling in the kitchen. Thankfully, he always managed to wake himself up and raid the refrigerator until his blood sugar returned to an acceptable level. I might have expressed concern or asked questions, but I tried to be more supportive than overprotective.
After we got married in 2007, I learned more about how to manage diabetes, but I still wasn"t really involved in any decisions. He handled it all independently. Being diagnosed before his first birthday, it was second nature to him. We have always lived a normal life -- school, work, hanging out with friends, eventually settling down, getting married, and raising kids.
Then came our daughter’s diagnosis.
Bella was 4 years old the first time that I asked my husband to check her blood sugar.
She had been showing symptoms for some time. Confronted with his biggest fear of passing diabetes on to his children, Nathan rationalized the frequent urination and thirst. But, as the months passed, we also rationalized the weight loss as slimming down and losing her "baby fat,” the mood swings as a reaction to my pregnancy, and even the bed-wetting as a regression after her brother was born.
Finally, almost two weeks after our son’s birth, we couldn"t deny the signs any longer. We sat down at the kitchen table and pulled out a clean lancet to poke Bella"s finger. The meter read "HI.” The devastation on his face was heartbreaking, the silence deafening.
I suddenly became painfully aware exactly how uninvolved I had been. Even after 9 years together, I had no experience giving an insulin injection. I had watched many times, but I had no idea what it felt like to press a needle into someone"s skin. While I knew more than most people, I still knew nothing. As a mom, and primary caregiver, I was suddenly thrown deep into the world of T1D. I would pounce on Nathan when he walked in the door, a thousand questions spilling out of my mouth, both fascinated and obsessed with learning the intricacies of managing Bella"s diabetes. Back then, I still thought this was a challenge that I could beat. I would beat diabetes into submission! (Don"t worry, I"m laughing even as I type this. I gave up on that fight long ago!)
I know lots of marriages struggle when a child is diagnosed with any kind of prolonged or serious illness. True to our complicated and stubborn natures, I"ve always felt like Bella"s diagnosis actually brought us all closer together. Because of my obsessive, "educate the fear away" personality, I drowned myself in information, and bless my husband, because I know I drove him crazy.
I not only analyzed Bella"s blood sugar, insulin, and response to foods, but started asking about his as well. He was a good sport 96% of the time. He also started doing BG checks and shots with her when he"d never taken much time to share those moments before. While I had never really worried, suddenly, I knew so much more, and it was a relief to see him take a more proactive role in his health. I hadn"t noticed what all had been missing.
I"m pretty sure that I still
annoy him with my medically analytical side. While it can be frustrating, I am not bothered by the day-to-day challenges of diabetes management. I am the confrontational one, ready to rage into battle, gleefully beating diabetes back into its corner. He is more likely to be kicked back with his feet up, having thrown some insulin at it, and laughing at all the energy I"m wasting. Despite our different approaches, we both relegate diabetes to the background unless it starts to get demanding and cause trouble.
We have learned to tackle those moments as a team when needed, discussing changes to basal rates, troubleshooting overnight highs or switching out responsibilities to treat a low. The knowledge that I gained after Bella"s diagnosis allows me to better understand his experiences when it comes to managing diabetes and its quirks.
Neither of us is the type to advertise, or hide, diabetes. And I think we would both agree that we challenge each other more than diabetes challenges us. We crack jokes, tease each other, celebrate fictional cures when blood sugars are inexplicably boring, and generally defy improperly functioning body parts at every available opportunity.
While we really do know that diabetes can be serious at times, we have chosen not to let it dictate too much of our lives and we remain not only positive, but able to laugh at the ridiculousness that life with diabetes can bring.
We love your quirky approach. Thanks for sharing that, Nicki!
Disclaimer
This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn"t adhere to Healthline"s editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline"s partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.
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